My Kids Go To Church Without Me

My Kids Go To Church Without Me: An Opinion About Religion In Today's World

by Ronald Borst

I cannot ever remember being so scrutinized as I was that very moment.

“Dad, Mom says you do not believe in God. Is that true?”

I looked at her speculating, shining, green eyes. She was looking into my eyes, to see if she could catch me lying. At 14 years old, she held power over me, and I struggled to find balance. “Well, now hold on just a second,” I said. I sat down on the couch and motioned her to do the same, right next to me.

In his book, Experiencing The World's Religions, Michael Molloy describes the ages-old definition of religion as:

“A system of belief that involves worship of a God, prayer, and moral code.”(Molloy, pg. 7)

The point here is the moral code, the ethics of life, and the way that we teach it. As we sat and chatted, Alexandrea Lee, my oldest, asked many questions. Let's examine religion and try to answer her questions.

I have always thought that religion was an odd tale, as it seemed unbelievable to not be able to “see” Jesus Christ, and to pray for seemingly unattainable wishes. But I will admit that I have always open-minded about people's faiths, and the reasons they practice. The “goodness”, that moral high-ground, is the glue in most religions.

And for me, that moral code is the most redeeming quality in most of the religions we know about. We, as Americans know about the different sects of Christianity, and we know that Mormonism is a homegrown religion. But what about eastern religions, such as Buddhism and Sikhism? What can I tell my kids about the good in the world's religions, while maintaining my own “science”?

As I opened the conversation with Alex, I assured her of my acceptance in whatever path she chooses, and of her freedom in those quests. She asked, “But why dad? Who don't you believe in God?”

Let's define “God”, but in a religion sense. The ancient Vedas, the ancient texts about religion in present day India, were recorded as the earliest writings of Hinduism. In those texts, among the many prayers, a theme common to today(and history) exists in the form of “protections”, which are simply prayers meant to protect against life's hardest foes. These prayers are directed at a god, a spirit-like leader and nurturer. Much in the same way, God is revered in Christian beliefs.

As Christians today, pray for better health for sick loved ones, the message is the same. Hindus pray to their gods in the ritual Puja, a ceremonial church-like worship, and tend to focus on just one of the gods in Hinduism. Both religions in theory, practice the moral code of enlightenment and respect. In Buddhism, the Awakening, or bodhi, is the equivalent of Christian spirituality, or at least the direction and end seeked out. In his book, Under The Banner of Heaven, Jon Krakauer writes recurringly, that the “goodness” that permeates Mormonism today, has not always been so “good”, and that critical thought has had a hand in that process.

Which, in a sense, is what Buddha was after. Molloy states(pg 132), that the Buddha searched for the answer to two questions:

1. How can we minimize suffering?
2. How can we attain inner peace?

These questions are repeated throughout history, and has become a common theme in the code and language of religions. The one bold and stark element of this is the Buddhism concept of “ahimsa”, the idea that we “do no harm”(Molloy pg. 137), and it speaks volumes about the fundamentals of critical thought.

I ask her if she knows what the term “critical thought” means.

“Like your sick?”

I reply that, “...no, but close. What it means is that you use reason to reach a conclusion.” If a man that lived 2500 years ago, can teach lessons that survive today, then we must pay attention to the message.

If the message was “do no harm”, then we can look at other religions and observe the same message. The basic tenet of Christianity is The Golden Rule, the idea that one must treat others the way they want to be treated. It is taught, from an early age, on throughout college, in an enlightenment sort of way. In both, the religious zen-like enlightenment described by the Dalai Lama, and as the political reform movement that has occurred repeatedly throughout history, and even has become a creed in some societies. But generally, like all powerful religions, that concept of the “golden rule”, is universal.

In Tibet, hundreds of years before Christ, this moral standing manifested itself in the altruistic teachings of moral conscience. The word altruistic itself means selflessness, and the Dalai Lama is modern society's example of the teaching.

I ask Alex if she knows who this revered religious leader is. “I've heard of him,” her reply a green light to learn. Tibetan Buddhism, born in the northern reaches of India, in the 5^th century B.C., has a common religious theme with America's own Christianity. My daughter is surprised to learn of a religious figure that predates her own learned information.

The entire Indian region, including Tibet, Pakistan, and China, were influenced by Buddha. His birth name was Siddhartha Gautama, who would become “the enlightened one”, or Buddha.

As I told my oldest and most inquisitive child, about the way Buddha was born, her eyes widened. The striking similarities in Jesus' birth story and Buddha's were too much to ignore.

“Are they the same?” she asked.

Not quite, I told her, but the messages are much alike. The similar births, Jesus in a manger with Mary via Immaculate Conception, and Buddha born by way of an Elephant Dream, where an elephant “entered” Buddha's mother's abdomen(side). Buddha's childhood was sheltered, even spoiled. But like Jesus Christ, Buddha set out to find enlightenment. For an entire world. According to Malloy, Buddha set out in the night, leaving his belongings behind, in an event called “The Great Going Forth”, and entered the world with only questions(pg. 129).

Much like Christ, Buddha was ascetic, meaning simple and austere. That bareness almost cost Buddha his life, and changed the philosophy to one of balance with needs and wants. A moderate approach to practical things became the essence of Buddhism.

We talk about the Dalai Lama, and what his teachings mean in today's world. We talk of people's civil rights, and we discuss non-violence. She sounds impressed that the Dalai Lama has a website. It is about adapting, I tell her, into a world that needs that message of peace.

And this, I tell Alex, is the best part: All this simply means is, “Do your best, be practical, and treat others as you want to be treated.”

She asks awesome questions: “Do they have more than one religion, like us?”

“Yes!”, I reply. And we move into Hinduism...

The Hindu religion encompasses the same Indian regions as Buddhism. The religion is best known for Mahatma Gandhi, and the everlasting, worldly, influences of his non-violent teachings.

In Malloy, the Upanishads are credited with an acceleration of the progressive thought in India around the time of Hinduism's beginnings(pgs. 82-83), and much can be said of American progressive thinkers being inspired by this critical thought. Malloy continues the credit:

“After many centuries, questioning of Vedic religious beliefs and practices began to emerge with strength.”

The comparison here is extraordinary, as every moment of American time has been, to say the least, questioning barbaric beliefs. The last 70 years saw two of the greatest examples of non-violent, religious activism, in all of history.

Gandhi was, to put it lightly, world changing. Martin Luther King Jr., was inspired and influenced perhaps mostly by Gandhi, singly due to the non-violent teachings of Hinduism. The religion's core expects one to “...find their proper work and to do it unselfishly.”(Malloy pg. 89)

Gandhi was born in the late 19^th century, and was a practitioner of Hinduism and Jainism. He refrained from meat and married early. Studying in Britain, Gandhi was further influenced by the non-violent, forgiveness bearing, teachings of Jesus Christ.

In King's civil rights movement, King found the non-violence that is found in Hinduism. The mere fact that Hinduism:

“Allows for differences in personality types.” (R. Andersen, REL103, Fundamentals For Studying Religion Booklet)

It is the key, the above quote. Alex knows acceptance is a virtue. It is the reason she believes in God and the reason she prays, attends church, and has Christian friends. It was the key to Gandhi and the freedom of India. It was the theme of King, who, along with other leaders, founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference in 1957. It was the motto of Stephen Biko, a black activist in South Africa, who in the 1970's, preached non-violence in a country sworn by violence.

The non-violence that Gandhi inspired in these men, can be traced to the Dharma, the sort of self awareness that empathy brings. The “matters of duty”(Andersen), are also the social conscience of the 1960's.

My daughter is well aware of Martin Luther King, Jr. And she is aware of racism in today's world. The mere fact that she questions her father's faiths, speaks volumes of her act of understanding, her empathy. It is this fact, that I try to equate to choices. Mine, hers, yours, everybody's. In his book, The World's Religions, Huston Smith tells of that belief from the Hindu perspective:

“That Hinduism has shared her land for centuries, with Jains, Buddhists, Parsees, Muslims, Sikhs, and Christians, may help explain a final idea that comes out more clearly through Hinduism than any other of the great religions; namely, her conviction that the various major religions are an alternate path to the same goal.”(pg. 73)

It is simply acceptance. Or non-ignorance, whichever you prefer.

The same can be said for the various Sunday School stories and lessons, that preach moral values. And also, the sermons with which we craft our daily lives. It is acceptance of others, and nurturing of life overall. The teachers of our world have that power, to influence moral high standards, by means of critical thought. Those teachers are our parents, schoolteachers, religious leaders, and our conscience.

 

While reading a book called Better Angels Of Our Nature by Steven Pinker, on the history of violence, and the rise, over time, of better standards, laws, and progressive thought, I was struck by two things. One, was that Pinker has an astounding amount of clinical studies on violence, that date back some 250 years. And two, Pinker credited critical thinkers, the educated, with having a hand in the civil rights victories that were closer fought than anyone wants to believe.

Religion also had a part in this as these men and women were also fervent about their faith. The moral codes of that religious affiliation is similar to both Buddha, and Gandhi, and that moral quest for enlightened understanding transcends humans. And time.

Alex and I talk about Gandhi, and how, even after repeated jailing, the message of non-violence remains bold and stark. We discuss the similarities to King and his Letter From Birmingham Jail. We both conclude that these men should not have ever been jailed. It is interesting to note that Gandhi read Thoreau and Tolstoy(Molloy pg. 113), and those readings helped progress Gandhi's law practice and helped to form the basis of the crusade of non-violence to free India.

“So if you believe all the things I believe, then why don't you believe in God?”

This kid is good.

Another Indian religion is Jainism, a smaller, but very noteworthy and active religion. The religion has roots in Hinduism and Buddhism, but has remained largely Indian, and because of that, is much smaller than its counterparts. The period of early Buddhist development also saw a progressive, enlightened awareness about the treatment of animals and people alike, and from this also came Jainism.

This religion adheres to strict ascetic values and respect for anything living. The qualities that provoke egalitarian thinking, can be seen easily in the Jain creed, or “ethical recommendations.”(Molloy pg 195) These ethics are: Non-violence, Non-lying, Non-stealing, Non-attachment, and Chastity.

Sounds like the story of Moses? Indeed. In humankind's quest for good, stories are either repeated, or coincidental. Either way, the message comes at you with teeming clarity. Be kind to one another, is the repeated theme, like a scratched record on the turntable of history.

“You still haven’t answered my question,” she says, hands folded and legs crossed. Eyes stern.

“I'm getting there.”

In our world today, much conflict exists between religions. None more deadly than the strife between Islam and Christianity. Instead of diving into that polarized mountain of information, let's just look at Muhammad’s teachings and core belief.

The ideas that formulate Islam, and were at the forefront of the religion, are honesty, kindness, charity, respect for elders, help for the weak, food for the poor, etc...(web: religoustolerence.org) This seems, as noted above, extremely similar to the fundamentals of Christianity.

Which brings me to my answer. In the grand scheme of things, no, I am not a “believer”, but I do believe in the goodness of religion's teachings. I always have.

Often, in our world of set-in-our-ways thinking, we lose sight of what is really the most moral path to take along the road of life. But do not fret, we have educators like Molloy and Pinker, Priewe and Clark and Andersen, that can not just point in the direction of knowledge, but present it in an engaging manner.

The message is similar across the board, and I agree with the caring for humanity, enlightened thinking. I choose to hold a lot of weight in those teachings, without adhering to any particular religion. I tell Alex, “I care deeply about morals and good deeds. You do too. That is all that counts.” It doesn't matter that I do not go to church, or don't believe in any god. I believe in the goodness of souls.

As I sat there that day, talking not just of morals and religion, but laughing and learning with her, I thought of the sacrifices by an enormous number of guru-like leaders, that have given my daughter a chance to be more than anyone ever dared to dream.


Attribution:

Experiencing the World's Religions by Michael Molloy

The World's Religions by Huston Smith

Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer

Why Violence Has Declined, the Better Angels of Our Nature by Steven Pinker

Internet Website: www.religioustolerance.org

 

 

With a face like my own, Alexandrea Lee Borst.